Change Your Story. Change Your Life.

I took a day off from work and drove to Alabama with my friend James and his wife. The bright sun had given the clouds the day off as well but asked a soft breeze to occasionally visit at what always seemed to be the right time. The bright sun and soft breeze traveled with us all the way to the Civil Rights Institute in Birmingham (it is definitely worth a visit).

Just outside of Leeds, Alabama on the way back, a pretty interesting discussion arose that shoved the silence which had become a passenger, into the trunk. Generally speaking, the male gender doesn't own that many shares of stock in the area of displaying affection and James' wife was giving her personal testimony to this point. James responded by talking about his childhood which was void of love, support, encouragement and parental displays of affection. I listened intently but after a few moments I found myself focusing on my own thoughts as his voice became a subconscious presence, similar to elevator music. I didn't intentionally disengage but it was as though my mind said "I heard this before" and turned its energy to thoughts that needed more development.

I realized that James was telling a story, like a computer program had been inserted into his memory and each time the "affection" topic surfaced he would give you this program, His Story. As I thought more deeply about it I put my finger on several people that have a Story. In fact, everyone has a Story. 

My very good friend Ann was in a marriage that kept her comfortable but this comfort prevented her from having a full awareness of her surroundings and it discouraged her personal growth. Whenever she is challenged to perform a task that she never had to perform in her prior marriage she starts telling her Story of how "William did all that, I never had to do any of that". Not changing this Story prevents her from engaging in the experiences that are needed for her to grow as an individual.

I am not being dismissive or insensitive but your Story is just that, a story. It should not define your behavior and opinion. It was a time in your life that has passed but you hold onto that story and use it as an excuse or crutch to lean on when you're confronted about the areas in your life that need a positive change.

There are people living Stories that took place 15, 20, 30 or 50 years ago. James and Ann are becoming more aware of how their Stories are impacting their lives negatively. James is changing his Story. He now responds to his "affection" issue by stating "that was how my parents were but that's not who I am".

Think about an area of your life that needs improvement but each time that area is mentioned you whip out Your Story. You visit the doctor and he mentions your weight and you immediately whip out your Story about how everyone in your family is "big boned" and your mother fixed a lot of food and you always had to clean your plate. Well your mother fixed a lot of food because you had 6 siblings and you had to clean your plate because your mother knew the next meal wasn't guaranteed and your family members are "big boned" because they eat too much and don't exercise.   

The next time the word 'overweight' is directed to you, don't whip out your old story, present a new story. Don"t talk about how your mother cooked too much food and how everyone in your family is "big boned", say that you know you're overweight and you've changed your dietary habits. Talk about the new exercise you perform daily as part of your story.

We all have a Story but that Story can be changed the instant we decide we want it to change. When you Change Your Story you will Change Your Life.