Father and Daughter

My wife and I were at dinner one evening and I noticed a man walk in with who I presumed to be his son and daughter. They sat down in the booth across from us and immediately he and his son began to discuss the basketball game being shown on the tv. I didn't think anything about the family or the discussion taking place until, after some minutes, I looked over and noticed the father and son still engulfed in the game. This went on for the entire time we were at the restaurant and a feeling that I could not assign words began to envelope me.

The daughter sat quietly eating her dinner as though she were alone. That's it! The daughter sitting as though she were alone was troubling me. Not once did I see the father engage her in a conversation or attempt to socialize with her. Now I know this was only a snapshot of their life and a number of variables could be responsible for the lack of interaction between the three of them but it brought to mind a cycle that I feel needs to be shattered.

For decades, maybe centuries, a model of divisiveness has been in practice where fathers predominantly spent time with the son and the mother predominantly spent time with the daughter. A balance was never established and to this day the cycle of divisiveness continues, though not as prevalent as before. As a father of a son and daughter I made sure that I spent as much time with my daughter as I did my son and in some cases more time was shared with my daughter.

I think as fathers we sometimes fall into the societal routine and spend more time with the son because there is typically more in common with the son. I have actually heard some fathers say "I'm not going to see no girls dancing" or "I'm not gonna be the only man at her practice" but they're sitting in the stands on Saturday at the football game cheering on the son.

Be the "only man" at her practices and games. Find out what her passions are and become involved and supportive of them even if you are the "only man" there. What you are establishing in her mind is that a man can stand alone amidst the whispers and discomfort in a supportive display of that which he loves while a boy becomes obedient to those whispers and discomfort.

This will break that cycle of divisiveness and set a standard so that when it is time for her to select a mate she has a standard that you established that every man stepping to her must meet, and the more difficult the standard the happier you will be with your son-in-law.