What do you expect?

The school year has started and you've done all you could to ensure your child has a successful school year. They have clothes, books, materials, transportation, food and your love and support. Most parents exceed the needs of their children, which is a good thing. If the needs of the children are exceeded in most cases then why are so many children doing poorly in school?

There are a number of answers to this question and I think all of the answers should be given examination but I believe there is one answer that remains overlooked even under intense examination. The answer is Expectation. Now, I know parents have expectations but let's take a look at their expectations. Whenever I'm around my son and his friends and other school age kids I inconspicuously ask them what is expected of them in the area of schooling. They typically have the same answers and I can usually finish their sentences for them as they tell me about the expectations. These are the ususal suspects: Get good grades, don't get in trouble, do homework, study and go to bed on time. The older kids usually have something pertaining to dating and pregnancy added to their list.

What I find missing from this list is specificity and timeliness. The expectations are vague and don't grow as the child grows and most parents have this conversation only as a reminder when the child performs poorly. I think that at the beginning of each school year a list should be put together for that current school year. My son is in high school and this is what I submitted to him for this school year.

• Raise GPA from 3.1 to 3.5
• Minimum of 4 A’s on each report card
• No grades of C or F
• First Chair in band
• Maintain your starting position on the Varsity soccer team
• Practice your instrument 30 min everyday (weekends included)

As you can see there are specific things that I expect of him and all of these things are measureable. I give him this list and I ask him if I'm being unrealistic and I ask for his feedback. If he deems anything unrealistic, he has to tell me why it is unrealistic and we can come up with a plan to meet that expectation, reduce it or take it off the list. I think time and child specific expectations create an environment of focus and it reduces the need to remind the child or as they say "bug me" about what needs to be done.

For me and my children this has worked well. Neither my son or daughter have failed a class and my son received a "C" for the first time during his sophomore year in high school. I'm not saying this to be arrogant or to brag but to illustrate that giving your child some specific, measureable expectations and allowing their input in this matter will reduce stress, increase their performance, increase communication and build into them the habit of creating expectation which will serve them well as an adult.

This is only a blueprint for you. Please design something that works for you and your child and watch them grow as a result. This is what I expect of you.