SafeHaven Scene
Thank you for The Gift.
by Eric Thomas on 10/04/12
I want to share something with you that I hope will alter your view of yourself or of a loved one.
I can remember sitting in my small 2 bedroom rented condominium looking out the window at the leaves as the wind coerced them to move as the wind demanded. The leaves seemed to move so willingly that you couldn't tell if they did or didn't enjoy the wind commanding them when to move and in which direction. Whatever the case, I enjoyed watching the display of synchronized obedience. I often found myself in front of this window, seated behind a desk with what was known at the time as an IBM PC Jr perched atop of the desk. The IBM PC Jr was one of the first computers mass produced for the home user and it was going to make writing easier and therefore I would start writing. Well, that was the idea. I would sit there for maybe an hour or more looking out that window and thinking about stories to write and how to write them and how they would be received. Going into that room and powering on that computer made me feel like a writer. I never actually wrote anything but I would sit there and enjoy the thoughts and ideas that would peek from around the millions of dark corners in my mind.
I moved from that condominium after a few years and even without that window, that desk and that computer I always found a still place that would produce a hand that would bring from my quiet depths that urge to write, to create, to express, and to share. I have had this on me all my adult life and maybe earlier but I was too young to recognize it. For so many years I just wanted to write something. Anything. I had no name or title for what beckoned me to write and so I never seriously acknowledged and acted upon it. After all, I wasn't a writer. Writers are famous and critically acclaimed for producing masterful, life changing works and I certainly haven't been acclaimed or changed anyones life. My perception of a writer was changed by happenstance during the summer of 2011.
I was visiting my mother to fix a problem on her computer and I was telling her about blogs and how they work and how easy it is to start one. She began to tell me about some of the ideas and opinions that she wanted to share with her friends and anyone else that would make a visit to her future blog site. She not only had ideas and opinions, she had Stories! She told me about the journals she has kept everyday for years that documented her actions, feelings, and desires on that day. She even told me about stories that she had written from her childhood memories. I was mesmerized and in awe. I told her she had to put the stories out for others to read and enjoy and in this moment of me inspiring her to share, a revelation came to me.
My mother is a writer.
It all became so very easy to understand. I now knew why I would sit for hours in thought. I knew why I would seek out and enjoy quiet places. I knew why I always listened more than I spoke. I now knew why I yearned to write. I left my mothers home that day enlightened and inspired and I vowed to her that I was going to write a book. Perhaps I inspired her to share her works in a capacity that she finds suitable.
I, nor my mother may ever reach the New York Times bestseller list but that's not important. For me it is enough to know that I have something that enables me to take a feeling, a thought or an idea and cultivate it, shape it, and express it in a form that may impress a smile on a weary face, moisten harsh eyes with tears, provoke a thought in an unchallenged mind, replace inaction with action or maybe breathe life into a dying soul.
I always thanked my mother if only for being my mother but today I want to specifically thank her. I want to thank you for giving me Life, Love and your extraordinary Gift. And everyone said... Amen.
Mr. Grimes
by Eric Thomas on 08/20/12
Like most boys around the age of 13 I was drawn to cars and driving them. For me cars were instruments that possessed the power to remove me from reality. All I had to do was turn the key, step on the pedal and in an instant all my troubles were behind me. At least as a child that's what I believed. Of course I didn't own a car and didn't have access to a car but Mr. Grimes had plenty of them.
Mr. Grimes was a neighbor that lived a few doors down from us and he had cars all over his property. Cars were in the front yard, the garage, the backyard, on the side of the house and he even had one that had found its way into his neighbors’ yard. Whenever I wanted to escape from reality I would choose a car that wanted to relive it's days of purpose, open the door, shattering the feeling that it would never be sat in again and slide onto the bruised, pocketed upholstery that many years before was as cool and slick as a stone in a river. I would insert my imaginary key into the ignition and my desire to travel became the engine that was going to power me wherever I wanted to go. The images of my destination would transform into the sounds of a powerful V8 engine and the rolling of radial tires on jazzy smooth pavement. These sounds would accompany my breathing to form a duet and play a soft, relaxing hum.
I enjoyed the collection of old cars owned by Mr. Grimes and I would silently thank him for having them. Several times a week I would see Mr. Grimes under the hood fixing the 2-3 cars in his yard that were still able to be driven and every time that I saw him he was talking about buying a new car to anyone that would listen. I found Mr. Grimes to be an object of curiosity. Here was a man that, by all neighborhood accounts, could afford a new car but he would keep repairing those same 2-3 cars. We lived in that neighborhood for a couple of years and Mr. Grimes never bought a new car. I can remember passing through that neighborhood years later and he still didn’t have a new car. I often wondered what stopped Mr. Grimes from buying a new car.
As an adult I see Mr. Grimes all the time. Sometimes he is old, poor, young, wealthy, Hispanic, Black, Asian, White, educated and non-educated. Mr. Grimes isn’t an individual; he’s a population group within society. I'll call this group the Grimes Population. I see people with aspirations, goals, dreams and they talk about these aspirations, goals and dreams to anyone that will listen just as Mr. Grimes talked about buying his new car. I have been around some of these people as more than ample time passed in which their aspiration, goal or dream could have accomplished. So I asked myself what kept these people from accomplishing their aspirations, goals and dreams? They had the time and resources.
The answer to why Mr. Grimes never purchased his new car and why the Grimes Population never accomplishes their aspirations, goals and dreams is in the cars that Mr. Grimes was always repairing. You see, Mr. Grimes spent so much time and energy on those old cars that he couldn’t see the enormous benefit of buying a new car. Those 2-3 old cars that he was always repairing and all those other junk cars that served as my escape from reality were the consumers of his mental real estate and the real estate of his home. Even if he were to buy a new car, where would he put it? His garage was full along with his front and back yard. He was unable to receive the new because he refused to let go of those cars that were beyond their point of usefulness.
The Grimes Population operates in the same fashion. They can’t accomplish their aspirations, goals and dreams because they’re caught up repairing relationships, careers and hurt feelings. They can’t achieve their aspirations, goals and dreams because their mental real estate is cluttered with old thoughts, ideas and emotions that occupy the space needed for new thoughts, ideas and emotions. The Grimes population can’t move forward because they won’t let go of the past. Are you in the Grimes Population? What aspirations, goals and dreams have you not achieved because you’re fixing and maintaining things that have long passed their point of usefulness?
Nothing new can be received until you remove the old that is occupying the space. Mr. Grimes is dead now and I would wager a substantial amount that a new car never crossed the threshold of his driveway. Will you remove all the old and broken cars that consume the real estate of your heart and mind and allow the new car to roll into your driveway before you die?
What do you expect?
by Eric Thomas on 08/15/12
The school year has started and you've done all you could to ensure your child has a successful school year. They have clothes, books, materials, transportation, food and your love and support. Most parents exceed the needs of their children, which is a good thing. If the needs of the children are exceeded in most cases then why are so many children doing poorly in school?
There are a number of answers to this question and I think all of the answers should be given examination but I believe there is one answer that remains overlooked even under intense examination. The answer is Expectation. Now, I know parents have expectations but let's take a look at their expectations. Whenever I'm around my son and his friends and other school age kids I inconspicuously ask them what is expected of them in the area of schooling. They typically have the same answers and I can usually finish their sentences for them as they tell me about the expectations. These are the ususal suspects: Get good grades, don't get in trouble, do homework, study and go to bed on time. The older kids usually have something pertaining to dating and pregnancy added to their list.
What I find missing from this list is specificity and timeliness. The expectations are vague and don't grow as the child grows and most parents have this conversation only as a reminder when the child performs poorly. I think that at the beginning of each school year a list should be put together for that current school year. My son is in high school and this is what I submitted to him for this school year.
• Raise GPA from 3.1 to 3.5
• Minimum of 4 A’s on each report card
• No grades of C or F
• First Chair in band
• Maintain your starting position on the Varsity soccer team
• Practice your instrument 30 min everyday (weekends included)
As you can see there are specific things that I expect of him and all of these things are measureable. I give him this list and I ask him if I'm being unrealistic and I ask for his feedback. If he deems anything unrealistic, he has to tell me why it is unrealistic and we can come up with a plan to meet that expectation, reduce it or take it off the list. I think time and child specific expectations create an environment of focus and it reduces the need to remind the child or as they say "bug me" about what needs to be done.
For me and my children this has worked well. Neither my son or daughter have failed a class and my son received a "C" for the first time during his sophomore year in high school. I'm not saying this to be arrogant or to brag but to illustrate that giving your child some specific, measureable expectations and allowing their input in this matter will reduce stress, increase their performance, increase communication and build into them the habit of creating expectation which will serve them well as an adult.
This is only a blueprint for you. Please design something that works for you and your child and watch them grow as a result. This is what I expect of you.
